30, Happy New Year!

Finally! 2008 Has been a great year but I think that 2009 will be even better. I'm going to actually try to stick to my resolutions,
I want to lose some weight & work out more. I should stick to it.
Eh, I'll come up with them later.
HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES!

29,

I've made some new friends. I've been hanging out with them most of the break. They're cool.
:) They eat a lotttt though and that's bad for me and it's kind of hard to not eat when they are. They are super skinny though. I wish it worked like that for me :/
It's been hard to blog lately because everything I do doesn't seem really important so I don't feel like telling you guys what's going on. Because it's not even a big deal anyway. You know?
Anyway, I hope you all had a great Christmas. I hope you got everything you wanted :) I did. I'd like a boyfriend though. Haha. I don't think Santa's elves can make those though. Aww lol

28, Thank god

school is out. I'm pretty pissed about how my grades turned out.. I had an A in world history until my partner backed out last minute so I didn't have a project when it was due so my grade totally went from A to 54 F! I made up for it with the exams.. just barely. I brought up my semester grade to a 70. It's still shit though. Ugh.
& I don't think I told you guys since I haven't been on in a while.
I tried pot for the first time last Sunday night. I hung out with this guy and we went to his place and his friends were doing it. I love new experiences so I was pretty excited but I got reallyyy high that night. I was really scared my mom would be able to tell especially since I got home super late. She couldn't really tell though. THANK GOD! It was such a weird feeling.. It was amazing though. I don't think I'm going to do it that often though. It was just scary that I couldn't get myself to act normal so I probably won't do it that often.
My life hasn't been that eventful so I guess that's why I haven't been on. God, I sound so boring. I'm getting my permit soon. Hopefully before the break is over. I havee to. I'll just be one step closer to my license :) & Christmas is only a few days away. I can't wait!

27, I've already eaten

a STL today. And it's only 2PM. I'm not letting it bother me though. I've been in a good mood the last few days. I was in the Christmas parade last night. I saw ****. :/ I felt like I was seeing a ghost. I think he recognized me even though my hair is like 5" shorter lol. I just couldn't look away. Idk. He looked back too. I was carrying a banner for my church, they had a float that was going through it. Ughh one of our banners fell down right as we were going through the area where the film cameras. FUCKING PERFECT DON'T YOU THINK? I thought it was hilarious. I can't believe I saw him though. I haven't seen him since last school year.. :( Why am I not over him?
Blah. Um, I snuck out Thursday night. That was the first time I've ever done that. I went to hang out with ******* because he was moving the next day and I probably wouldn't see him again. It was nice :) It was totally worth being super tired the next day at school. I'm going to miss him.. & Exams next week then Christmas break!! I can't wait! :)
+ The exercising I've been doing lately has started to show. I'm going to keep it up.

26, I didn't go to school today

Because of the bad weather/I looked like shit/I didn't do my project. So whatevvv. I watched like 3 movies and did the dishes. I just took a shower and I'm getting ready for work. It's not even really work. It's a job though so I guess I can call it work. I just watch kids. It's nice that I'm starting to have some of my own money.
I'm going to try not to eat tonight.. I feel like I ate too much today but I needed a break. So I'll try to not give myself too hard of a time.

25, I'm confused

I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I haven't been concentrating on my schoolwork. Idk. I'm scared I'm not going to get where I want in life..Maybe I should try harder in school. I have all As and Bs so I'm not really that worried. It's just my complete lack of effort and not caring at all that makes me feel like shit.
Blah, I ate too much today. Shits going on.
******* is moving this Friday. I've been talking to a few guys.. One I haven't seen since, like, last year and I gave him a hug today. He told me I looked cute with my short hair :) I totally forgot about my Britney moment since it was a while ago. Maybe it will go somewhere with him. I just want to actually have someone. Not just be talking to people. I want some kind of stable thing, not just hooking up, you know? People don't seem to think that I have problems with this because I'm always "talking" to people but they don't ever seem to notice that I can't ever GET anyone :/ Blehh.
Ohmygod. I finished my project for Health Science but I don't even think I'm going to do the one for English. Fuck it. FUCK IT! I have an A.
I don't feel as bad about eating as I used to since I've been exercising. I've been doing like 100 crunches and some sit ups and shit. That's not even a lot.. But I used to never work out at all so I have to start somewhere, you know? It's a lot easier to keep going when I'm exercising than to stopp myself from eating something completely. So I could just make up for it later. It'd be good to get eating under control though. I noticed that when I drink a lot of sparkling flavored water I don't get hungry and its 0cal. So whabam. I think I've found what I'll be carrying around with me for the next 2390483490 days.
I love you guys. Reading your blogs really keep me going. I don't think I would have even been able to keep trying for this long without you all. Reading what you all are going through makes me feel like I'm not alone in this. It really helps. I love you bitches. :)
Haha. I'm going to go get some rest. Fuck English.
Night.

24, Am I doing better?

I can't tell. I've gained some weight. I'm at 115 again. But I've been doing a lot of crunches and sit ups and shit lately and I'm LOOKING better. So I've been losing mass and gaining weight. What the fuck is wrong with me?
The guy older guy that I talked about before that I hooked up with, um, he's moving Friday. It really sucks.. We have been getting closer. I'm going to be upset when he leaves though. He's going to come see me the day before though. Blahh. I've been feeling pretty good lately. I think. Did I tell you I got a job? I do childcare and I work like once or twice a week. I get paid $20 for about two hours. That's better than nothing.

23, oatmeal//nyquil

I feel warm and peaceful today. Kind of like oatmeal.
:)









This is what happens when you have too much medicine hahaha.

22, affirmations

I am a good person,
I am skinny,
I am worth something,
I am interesting,
I am prepared for anything,
I am smart,
I love myself,
I am loved by others,
People enjoy talking to me,
I am happy with my life,
I focus on good things,
I make others feel good about themselves,
I am calm and relaxed,
I live in abundance,
I have the best of everything,
I am successful,
I work hard in school,
I make excellent grades,
Good grades come to me easily,
I finish jobs quickly,
I make correct decisions,
I am responsible,
I am fearless,
I am outgoing,
I take risks,
I am free to by myself,
I am wealthy,
I have nice things,
I inspire others,
I have self control,
I have willpower,
I lose weight every day,
I can get up in the morning,
I believe in myself,
I love new experiences,
I experience new things every day,
I have many friends,
I have enough money for everything I want,
Money comes to me easily,
I give to people who ask of me,
I understand others,
I talk to new people easily,
I rely on myself,
I am happy to be *****.

21, I'm feeling

down today. I was in a good mood until like 5th period. Today is just kind of depressing. I didn't eat lunch but I just ate.. blahh I should fast. I need to lose some of my nastiness. How do you bitches do it?
Also, I had two tests today and I don't think I did good on either of them. I should start studying.. I don't understand how your supposed to study for math though. Whatthehellll.

Twenty, HAIRCUTT

I just had like.. all of my hair cut off. It's crazy. Not like Britney Spears crazy. But yeah. It looks so different.. It's nice though. I should've done this sooner. I look older too.

Nineteen

Today is Saturday. And I have nothing to do..
I've eaten too much, you'd think that having braces would make me not want to eat. I'm not as much as I usually would but it's not helping much. My friend invited me to go with her to the next party shes going to and there will def be pot and alcohol there. I don't really care about the alcohol. I'm just worried that my mom will find out I did pot. Hmm... anyway, I'm going to find something to do today that will keep me from eating out of boredom.