11,

I ate too much again. I'm not bringing money tomorrow for lunch, then I probably won't be as tempted to get anything. I miss my ribs. You can't see them as well now. :/
The homecoming game is tomorrow. Fun fun fun. I need to see some people out of school and have a "social life". Haha.

Food:
-toast
-chips
-mcdonalds chicken sandwich & fries (EEEEEKKKK!!!!!)
-iced coffee
-coke zero
-crackers w cheese
-nachos

I don't deserve to lose weight at all. Blehh. I only had a few cookies yesterday and a sandwich so I guess today I made up for that.. haha.

10th

I agree with nomorenumbers. I wish I could purge. I can't get myself to do it though. I can get most of the way there but I end up crying and stopping myself from going any farther. I'm so pathetic.

Food:
-slice of pizza for lunch
-2 coffees
-too many crackers
-3 small slices of pizza.
-iced tea

Bleh fatass. :(

9th. Things are getting better.

We're still not talking. He doesn't want me..
I'm such a dumbfuck. I thought I actually had a chance with him this time.
But things are getting better, like I said. I've been in a good mood lately. I went to the mall yesterday to pick out a homecoming dress for the friend I'm taking & I went to a party after. Fun, fun, fun. I'd really rather be talking to him though.
Why is he all I can think about?

& I'm going to start dieting tomorrow. I miss being able to see my ribs.
I'll skip breakfast and drink a lot of water throughout the day so I won't be so hungry when I get home. That's when I usually eat.

8th.. Fuck.

[20:07] ****: I don't want to be friends
[20:07] ****: it's going to cause drama
[20:07] ****: sorry
[20:07] me: um.. ok

I knew this would happen :/
I'm such a fucking loser. This happened to me TWICE. I need to get over him.
I need to die.

Food:
Way too much.
Not eating tomorrow.
I can do this.

Seventh.

Ugh.. Today was very slow and depressing. This is making up for the
amazing weekend I had, haha. I knew this was coming. I just can't wait
for it to end.
Food:
- 2 Coffees
- 2 Cookie
- Chick-fil-a sandwich w dressing
- Baja chalupa, enchilara?
- Sprite zero 0
- Unsweetened tea 0

6th. Busy.

School was very busy today. I had to do a tonnn of work and I have some unfinished work that I haven't started on yet. Ughh. Well me & my new friend exchanged a couple of notes today and that was good. I told her I like **** again. She thinks it's really cute, haha.
I'm not too sure though. I think he might like me back and I know he definitely wants to.. you know.. haha! Not like I'd mind. But I think he might just be telling me what I want to hear, you know? He told me he liked me last year and then hooked up with some 20 year old randomly and then said we should just be friends. I was so upset last year. I don't think I should let myself get my hopes up too high. If I get a chance to be with him I will definitely go for it though.
Only one problem..Ihaveaboyfriend
At first he was just kind of a UFN boyfriend. Just idk, to have one. He's really starting to like me though. I don't think I could just break up with him for someone that could get over me just as quickly as he went from hating to liking me. It'd be a mistake. I probably wouldn't end up being with **** for how long I've been with my current boyfriend for. About three weeks. Ugh.
I feel really stupid. And out of the stress today I ate a lot. Dammit.
Food:
- sun chips (210 calories)
-coke zero
-coffee (probably 100)
-granola bar (110 calories)
-4 pieces of chicken with dressing (660 calories)
-cookie (idk)
Total: around 1,080

I just got off of AIM with him,
he didn't sound that excited to talk to me at all :/
I'm just digging myself into a deep hole and getting ready to willingly jump in and be buried alive.

Fifth.. Columbus Day

Today has been really good. I had off from school today so I slept in until about 10 until I had to get up to help my brother with some crap. Then I took a shower for almost 2 hours. I rarely get to take those. They are so good. You feel like a new person coming out.
Then I texted himm, you know who. We were talking and flirting. It's like were picking up from where we left off in February before my ex got involved in everything. I'm so happy! He told me he regrets not making me his that night when I stayed at his house. He said he wishes he could go back and change things. :):):) Life is so good right now.
I haven't really been hungry that much today, so this is good. I love these days.
Food:
-1 plastic cup of coffee w splenda sugar & powdered creamer.
-1 piece of dark chocolate (approx. 63 calories)
-1 bottle of water w green iced tea mix. (0 calories)
Later:
-2 bottles of water w green iced tea mix
-1 frozen spaghetti dinner w meat balls taken out (w meat, 400 cal)
-1 piece of texas toast (150 calories)
total: about 603 calories.

I think I did pretty good today.

Fourth..

I'm so happy he wants to talk to me. Today I told myself I
wasn't going to make myself seem annoying or too eager so I didn't try
to say anything, but he talked to me today. I'm taking that as he doesn't
hate me! I'm so happy! :)

& I ate too much today, already. My mom took me to a buffet and she
always makes me eat too much when we go "to get our moneys worth". Ill
make up for it by exercising most of it today and skipping dinner.. I
hope I can do it. I'm not that good at sticking to those things. I
don't deserve to lose any weight.. Not like I have recently.
So far today:
-Plate of food from restaurant, no ice cream.
-1 diet coke
-1 red bull.
Later:
-some chicken pieces
-bagel w cream cheese
- like 5 cookies..
I don't deserve to lose weight with the last one. I need to control my eating.

Third..

Okay! So yesterday I went to the fair and I stayed until like 2AM. It was really fun, I had a great time. I was kind of a wildd child though haha. I met some people I had only talked to over MySpace before and it was pretty cool.
Today I went to the mall with my friends to pick out homecoming dresses (not for me LOL), and then I came home and I saw that I was being talked about in comments on MySpace by this guy & ****. The guy I told you about before. My ex told him that I said he.. well something really weird. So I was like "omfg this is bullshit" and I talked to him and tried to explain everything and what went on last year. I really hope he doesn't hate me anymore. I really do..
He said we could be "texting buddies" when I said he didn't have to be friends with me if he didn't want to. So maybe there's hope. :) I really hope so. I want to be friends with him so badly.. maybe more. But I highly doubt that will ever happen. I just don't want him to hate me. I have no idea why I'm so obsessed concerned with what he thinks about me.
I hope things get better from here.
I'm still feeling very optimistic.
I hope I can lose some weight. I'm feeling pretty chubby.. People tell me that I'm really skinny and that I don't need to lose any weight and that I need to gain, but I don't believe them. That's just what you say to people who are you friends. You wouldn't tell them they were fat. I don't want to do anything with my boyfriend right now because he might think I'm fat. He told me he thinks I'm super skinny and that I look nice.. but I don't. I want to be able to- no I need to be able to live up to my own expectations.
or not live at all.

Secondd

Okayy today was pretty good. I saw my friend so I got to give her the cookies & notes. She really liked them. I only started talking to her last week but were already like best friends. Can you move too quickly in relationships with friends? Does it burn up just like when you go too fast with a boyfriend or girlfriend? I hope not. I really like this girl.
She might be able to help me get to be friends with ****. The guy I really liked in February before I got with my ex. I knew my ex liked me but I didn't feel the same way, he kind of became one of my best friends, and for him, I guess he was ok with that. For then. But after **** invited me over and we kind of idkk nothing big. It was whatever, ok? Well I told my now ex about it and he was jealous and wanted to ruin it so he told **** that I told EVERYONE about it, and the guy was in the closet, so obviously he didnt want things like that getting around about him. So he started hatingg me and I was so upset. I didn't even know what to do ughh. So, after he got rid of the "competition", my ex made his move, and then we got together.
He hated me for something I didn't even do. :/
We might be able to get to be friends again, through my new friendd. She talks to him.
I'm really happy about this. Meeting her. Becoming friends.
Everything truly good that happens to me seems to be by accident.
I've noticed that recently. My current bf I only started talking to because I texted him on accident instead of his brother, who I am good friends with. My new friend, I started talking to because a boy in my grade wanted to use my phone to text someone, and she texted back later asking for him.
My ex, we started talking because he was on his friends Myspace and saw my profile, and recognized me because I rode the buses at his school. I love accidents.
They're amazing :)

I've been in a really optimistic mood lately, in case you couldn't tell.
I'm going to try to start dieting soon. I feel overweight. According to the scale, I'm not. But I feel like I am.. I just need to not eat as much as I do. I could kind of see my stomach through my shirt todayy, ugh. I feel like such a fatass.
I'm so weak though, I can't force myself to keep to it. I eat out of boredom (BADHABIT!) I need to stop. I need to stop eatingg, that's what I need to do haha.

I hope I can stick with this blogging thing.. It seems to help a lot of other people get things off of their chests. Lol.

Today was pretty good, I hope tomorrow is too.

First Blog

A: 15
S: M
L: FL, bitches.

That's all you need to know, for now.

So I stumbled across a blog a few minutes ago while looking up things on the internet, and I think I might just be able to do this.

Today has had its ups and downs. My ex and I found a cat when we started going out, and we broke up about a month ago. Well, I broke up with him. He was an asshole. Let's just leave it at that. Ok, so a couple of days before we started going out, we found a cat. It was kind of "our" cat. We took it in and it stayed at his house but it was still considered "ours".
About a week ago he let it outside and it got clipped by a car & has been in the vet for the past few days. It is being put down tomorrow. God damn his retarded self. :/

Other than that, I've been doing great lately. No random drug tests, no projects I get 0's on because they are one day late. Nothing.

I made a new friend last week. I stayed after school for a meeting and my friend used my phone to text someone and she texted back later thinking it was him, I told her it wasn't, so she called him later but we kept talking anyway.
It hasn't even been a week since I started talking to her but I already feel really close to her and I think we will be very good friends. She had a pretty crappy weekend, so I made her cookies. I plan to give them to her tomorrow.

I feel like tomorrow will be a good day. I guess we'll find out, now won't we?